Back to nature always helps...

There is something in the air at the moment.  Some sort of energy, that seems to be sucking good, positive energy from me.  It feels restrictive... stifling....    It seems to be hanging around, even when I take steps to improve my own energy, thoughts and feelings... 

A few weeks ago I was feeling a little homesick, and a little at odds with our big city life compared to the small city tropical north Queensland life we had moved away from.

Life in the city - so much traffic!

I was missing being surrounded by beautiful mountains covered in nature.  I was missing seeing all that from my front door, the drive to work, any drive really...

So a few Saturdays ago, I suggested we take a drive and go somewhere green and rainforest-y.   

This is the view when you land in Cairns!

Everyone was very into the idea.  Yay!  So, come Sunday morning after cleaning the house (had to be done!), we piled into the car and set off for Lamington National Park to check out some caves near Binna Burra.

Oh how lovely it was to spend time in nature with my family. When you forget the  "are we there yet?" whinging, being hungry every five minutes, and not wanting to go into the cave "cos the bats will get her" we had a lovely family day out.  The views were amazing, the drive spectacular and lunch in Canungra was delish - they even have gluten free bread!

Me & the kiddies - look at that view...

DH & the kids...

We didn't do the full cave circuit, but the plan is to go back better prepared (more water anyone?) for a whole day and explore the area.  I won't tell them what my boss told me about the funnel webs out there though!

No bats here...

I felt so revived after our little day trip, and I again feel like we are where we are supposed to be.  We are so lucky to live in a city with so much nature on it's door step.

Yet, this energy funk just keeps hanging around....  I meditate. I journal.  I affirm.  I connect with others.  I get some green (nature) time, but...   Just when I find a nice balance, that heaviness returns. WTF?!?!?!?!?

Is it just me?  Is it all in my head?  Should I take it as sign of something else to come?   

What is it?  I can't put a finger on it....  Any enlightened friends got any ideas?

Anyways, I will continue with what I know works for me when it all gets too heavy and hope that it passes soon, very soon.  Luckily that includes getting some green whenever I can!

Yours throwing back the heavy blanket,

                                Mummy in Disguise
                                                                     xoxo

The Gratitude Jar Project

You all know how I am into gratitude and how much it has helped with my depression and wellness.  I give thanks daily for the people, places, things, actions - everything - in my life.  Nothing is too big or too small to be thankful for.

I've got gratitude down pat.  Not so sure about my kidlets though!

Time to fill in the family...

So this year we are doing a family Gratitude Jar Project. (heads up to my DH!!)

Do my children even know how blessed we are?  We don't have a lot of money at the moment but I don't want them growing up with resentment for the things they didn't get, nor do I want their childhood memories infused with constantly hearing "we can't afford it" or "we don't have enough money for that".

We're not rich... but we're not poor either.  We have enough to pay the bills, buy food and necessities with a little left over for the occasional treat!  Yet, it would be easy for them to hear "we don't have enough money" as meaning "we're poor".

It's also easy to feel overwhelmed with our everyday lives and for our kids to see all of our busy-ness. Too often the kids hear how we are running late, or we have to go here or do that.  What they need more of is to hear all the things we can be thankful for.  I want them to have some perspective and to learn just how good they've got it!

So, I want them to REALLY grasp the concept, and a great way to do so is with a gratitude jar.  This is a very simple project.  It is a place to write down and keep all the things you are thankful for. Whenever you are grateful for something, someone, an activity, a kind act, or an aspect of your everyday life, you write it down on a slip of paper and stick it in the jar.  Over time you accumulate a jar full of blessings, a visual reminder of all the abundance in your life as you watch the jar fill with reasons to be grateful.

All set up on the buffet ready to go - you can't miss it here!

You can give thanks daily, or just when you think of something to be grateful for.  It is just as important to add to the jar on days you or the kids are struggling, as this is where the lesson lies. This is when you want them to see that even though they might be having a bad day, it really isn't the end of the world when they still have things to be grateful for.


I hope that showing gratitude will give them a better perspective of our lives - financially, emotionally, spiritually...

So what do you do with all of those thankful thoughts once the jar is full?  

• Read them as a family at the end of the year, once a month or at a time decided by the family
• Read a few whenever you are having a tough day or need a pick me up
• Pick your favourites and frame them, make a poster for the kid's bedroom, or create a family scrapbook that you add to every year.

The reading them together part helps you relive those cherished moments, or you may even learn something new about your children or partner!  Pass the jar around and take turns reading.  I know when I read back over my gratitude journal, I appreciate those moments even more, so I imagine it would be the same for the jar.

Time to fill that jar...

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Australia, so I think we will do this part at Christmas time -- that tricky time of year when we can all get caught up in the consumerism of the festive season.

Hopefully this project will help them find the balance between wanting new things, getting new things and appreciating what they already have; and to see the difference between having stuff that you need to live and all the other stuff... I am determined to raise my children to see materialism as undesirable...  If they grow up to have lots of money and wish to fund our retirement, that's fine as long as they maintain a good perspective of their needs and wants!  

This project is also a great opportunity for me to lead by example; and maybe start a new tradition for my little family.

Here are some other ideas for a Gratitude Jar Project:

• Thanksgiving Gratitude Jar  

If you celebrate this holiday, you could set this up for the month of November up to Thanksgiving.  Then read out on the day as part of your celebrations.  

• Christmas Gratitude Jar  

Same as thanksgiving, but for the month of December and the results are shared as a Christmas present.

• 365 Days of Gratitude 

Start the jar on a given day, i.e. New Year's Day, Thanksgiving, your  birthday, wedding anniversary etc, and keep adding reasons everyday for the next year.  

• Classroom Gratitude Jar 

Create a jar for the classroom with students writing down what they are thankful for whenever something reminds them to be grateful.  The reasons can be shared and the paper slips turned into a poster or scrapbook for the classroom - what a great teacher present at the end of the year!

• Gift a Gratitude Jar 

A Gratitude Jar can also be given as a gift to anyone who may want to focus more on being grateful and giving thanks!

Credit: Blissful Living Now (Blog)

If you decide to do your own Gratitude Jar this year, please keep me posted on how you go and feel free to share your jars with me in the comments, or on the Facebook page!

Gratefully Yours forever,

                 Mummy in Disguise                                             xoxo

Small Business - Big Deal...

So, in September last year, I started my little business called Light Heart Therapies.  I am now a practicing meditation teacher and holistic health coach.  

Numbers like this every week
would be good!

It's a slow going process though and..... it can take a toll on you mentally.  Most people know that small business can come with incidence of depression, stress and mental health issues.  So it was a big deal to take those tentative steps tow
ards having my own business in the year that we were staying away from stress, in particular, and anything else that may be negative for our health.

Yet, I did it and I was really proud and excited and happy with my efforts.  But it hasn't been smooth sailing...

When classes don't fill, or no one turns up, there are so many questions you ask yourself....

What am I doing wrong?
What sort of impression am I making that they don't turn up when they say they will?
Am I really bad at this?

Self doubt creeps in...

I must be a bad teacher.
I'm not passionate enough.
I haven't done enough...
I can't do this.
I suck at this.
I am not good enough...

Gah!  There it is.... I'm not good enough.... :-(

It takes a lot for me (for anyone!) to come back from saying this to myself over and over.

If I give it time in my head it then becomes the biggest demotivator you could possibly come up against!  I find myself procrastinating like the pro I am.  I end up lazing on the couch, watching terrible day time television, or catching up on sleep I don't need...

Why take the time to market my little business if it's only going to fail cos I'm just not good enough?  Why bother at all?  (even though it is what I really want!?!)

Urgh!

There is light at the end of the tunnel though....

I tell myself everyday this most important of all affirmations:

I love and approve of myself.  I give myself permission to shine.  I love and forgive myself for past mistakes.  I am filled with light, love and peace.  I am enough.

I know I am good at what I do.  I have a decent head for business and I can talk about meditation, stress, depression, happiness, food and nutrition til the cows come home - sometimes a little too much actually that you may need to knock me off my high horse!  Needless to say, the passion for my chosen field is there!

So now I am printing and delivering flyers with gusto.  I am hanging posters everywhere I possibly can.  I am talking about meditation whenever I possibly can, you know, just casually dropping it into conversation when I see an opportunity!  I may have picked up a new private client on the weekend as a result!

I feel energised and I feel good enough.

We live in times of extreme stress and increasing pressure - to be successful, to have all the right stuff, to be perfect or have the perfect life!  When you consider the economic climate at the moment, there are a large number of businesses facing financial stress; and the thing about small business is that it's the sole responsibility of the owner for the financial performance of the business. And the pressure affects everyone around them!

A little off topic, but this is
my dream office!

Some small business owners working from home can experience isolation, which in turn can lead to depression.  Isolation, boredom, or even unrealistic performance expectations can also apply to staff of small business, who often suffer in silence because they need their job.  In fact it is common across the board for employees to keep silent about their depression, no thanks to stigma and the fear that it may hurt their career if they do speak out.  

Bloody stigma...  

Affirmations alone are not going to make me or my business successful - my actions and good planning will do that!  The affirmations do help to keep me in the right headspace to plan and take action though.

Finding balance is also a big part of the plan.  Over doing it in one section of your life is simply inviting the black dog in and asking him to make himself comfortable.  Not in my house he won't!

Stay tuned for more Light Heart Therapies news.  I have a blog planned where I can write more about wellness and meditation, and learning to live with a light heart.  I have great plans for 2014, which I will share when I can.

Until then, shine bright my friends!

Yours filled with light, love & peace,

Mummy in Disguise

xoxo

I don't do resolutions...

Have you set yourself New Years Resolutions for 2014?

How are they working out for you so far?

I am genuinely interested to know if there is anyone out there that truly sticks to their resolutions year in, year out?  I mean, really, you must be a rare breed if you do - and I salute you!

I was going to write about New Years Resolutions today and how I don't do them, and why I don't like them, yada, yada.... but I couldn't come up with anything that didn't sound condescending and superior!

Life got good...so write about that!

Well hello there!

Is my little blog as dead as this plant?

Yeeesss, I know it's been a while, and yeeesss, I know I've been quite neglectful...

I didn't even tell anyone I was leaving...  I just stopped.

Sorry bout that...  Happy New Year?

I did try to write.
I did try to scale the giant wall in front of me, but said wall seemed to reach endlessly up into the sky, with no summit in sight.

A-ha moment...

So I mentioned in my last post that I recently had an "a-ha" moment that was both eye opening and painful. 

A few weeks ago I was listening to a motivational speaker who was talking about the idea of self sabotage and how this may be what stalls our affirmations and positive thinking.

It was such a light bulb moment for me.  I am constantly sabotaging my diet.  Constantly.  I get really great and it's clean and healthy and I am making good choices and happy with where I am, then BAM, I need that

What artistic brain function?

No I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...

Or been swallowed by some mysterious sinkhole in Brisbane....

I am still here, suffering some serious writer's block.  Or so I thought...

Lately, I had been thinking that the reason I haven't written since my last post in February was due to writer's block - a creative shutdown, the death of invention, a complete blockage of my artistic brain function...

But I want it all NOW!!!

All I want is to make a difference...

Somehow.  Somewhere.  Some time.  To someone.


I want to be able to help people live healthy, happy, harmonious lives.

But shouldn't I do that for myself first?  Shouldn't I lead by example, and create that kind of life for myself, for my family, before jumping headlong into doing it for others?

Yes, of course I should.  Actually, I am working on it.

Hormone Madness...

Sorry to all the blokes out there that might read my blog, but today's post comes with a warning:

*Warning.  This topic is rated M.  For Menstruation.  Reader discretion is recommended.  The feint-hearted, squeamish and uncomfortable should avert their eyes and stop reading NOW. 

You have been warned.

Cooking is good for my soul...

I love to cook.  I love to cook for other people.  I enjoy seeing other people enjoy my food.  I love dinner parties and BBQs, parties and gatherings in general.

And not just for the copious amount of wine I would usually drink at said gathering, but for the planning leading up to it where I get to plan out a menu and sometimes even a theme if the occasion calls for it!

The kids birthday parties have been my favourite

Tell me how you really feel...

Hubby is snoring on the couch - give him a break he has just finished a midnight to 7am shift!

DD is eating toast in front of the telly and DS has "gone back to bed".

I am next to DH on the lounge, lap top resting on a tray on my lap, still in my pj's...

This is our Sunday morning.  The last Sunday morning of 2012.

Still here... (pneumonia, packing & parties!)

The apocalypse came and went without so much as an awakening of higher consciousness...
Christmas breezed by without too much fuss (for a nice change) ...
New Years is looking like it is going to be huge...

Yet the lead up to these events, or lack thereof in one case, was... well I can't find one word to describe this time for my family, but we came out the other end of our mostly first world problems relatively unscathed!

My baby girl had been fighting a cough for a week or so at the end of the school term.  She is as stubborn as her mother sometimes!  She didn't have any other symptoms and it didn't sound like too bad a cough until we hit the last few days of school.  I had already booked her in for a Doctor's appointment on this last day, but she woke up feeling worse, so she didn't quite make it to school.  Hubby took her in for the last hour of the school morning tea and final parade, but she sat with him the whole time, just watching.  Normally we wouldn't have taken her in like this but as we are moving next year, we wanted to give her a chance to say good-bye to friends and teachers.

We didn't know that just over three hours later she would be on her way to the hospital in an ambulance.

DD lungs - the wispy/fuzzy bits that look like fairy floss is pneumonia

Turns our my baby girl had pneumonia. 

Did you know that pneumonia still has a 30% mortality rate?

We were at the hospital for over four hours and she was diagnosed with mild to moderate pneumonia.  Which means that she wasn't sick enough to stay at hospital (where beds are like hen's teeth), but she was sick enough to need a check up the next day.  However seeing as it was Friday evening - too late to organise a GP appointment now - there was the very real chance that she would be staying in hospital overnight.  Which would have been fine if we weren't having a garage sale the next morning, which I was looking after by myself because DH was working!  And I would have cancelled said sale, despite the ad in the paper, if we weren't moving in less than a month!

Oh what to do???!?!?  We were trying to coordinate picking up DD from hospital, having someone mind the garage sale in the morning for us, who would stay with DD overnight etc, when the Doc came in with good news - the "Nurse in the home" program had received a grant to extend their hours to include the weekend!
This meant DD could go home and would be visited by a nurse the next day, again on Sunday and on Monday we were to come back to see a Pediatrician at the hospital for another chest x-ray and check up.

Did I mention that DD was supposed to go to a few birthday parties on Friday afternoon/Saturday morning?
Yeah, nah....

Did I also mention that we were supposed to have a school friends farewell party at our place on Saturday night?  Cancelled!!!

Did I mention too that I also had a nasty cough?

I had been to the doctor a few days earlier but at that stage it was too early to tell if it was viral or bacterial.  I was given a script though, which I started taking upon learning DD might have pneumonia.  I went back to the Doctor on the Monday because unlike DD, I wasn't feeling any better.  So my doctor gave me the same treatment as Hannah, as if I too had pneumonia!  He said not to bother with the x-ray, let's just treat it like it is... which meant the super strength adult version of drugs that DD was taking!  Oh the joys!

I was given time off work too.... which was great because I had a rental in Brisbane to organise!

Life went back to relative normality after this, well as normal as it gets when you are packing and moving 2000km. Packing, Christmas (presents, parties, punch!) and official unemployment!

Yep, I finished my job on 22 December 2012.  I have handed over to a lovely lady who I was already acquainted with but wish I had gotten to know better a lot sooner!  Funny how life does that....

Unemployment felt strange at first.  I don't have my big bunch of keys that went everywhere with me anymore.  I would have been on holiday this week, so next week will be the real test of how I feel about it, but honestly right now I feel a sense of relief that it is one less thing for me to think about in the lead up to leaving Cairns.

I am no longer stressed about the move - the house is sold, we have a rental in Brisbane, the removalist is booked.  It is all about letting everything take it's course now.

Now that Christmas is over, ANOTHER thing to not have to worry about, it is all about the packing.

And the farewell.

Change of plans with that too, LMAO.  We had planned an adults only drinks at a pub in town, but DH got rostered on for work and can't swap with anyone.  So that is cancelled!  No stress though, all parties were cancelled to make way for a BIG farewell/piss up at our nearly empty house before we leave!!!

So that is why I have been MIA on the blog for the last month or so.

Tomorrow I will tell you all how I actually FEEL about all of this!  LOL

I actually have a LOT I want to share about my plans and goals for 2013.  I am so excited about the future right now, depression seems like a blip in my past.  Even as I just typed those words though, I know they aren't true, but I love when true passion and excitement crowd out everything else and your issues pale into insignificance!  Until tomorrow...

Yours ready to rock,
                            Mummy in Disguise
                                                      xox0

A Little Reminder...

I resigned from my job today.

I have given notice to the 21st December and then that it is for me and that chapter of my life!

I was going to write about how stressed I am about this whole moving 2000 km business, but then we got an offer on the house yesterday.  I now have nothing to complain about....

So in the spirit of "Thanksgiving" in the US, I thought I would remind you all about the Art of Gratitude and how it can impact your lives, especially those who may not be feeling so great at the moment or this time of year.

So how can you start to be grateful, or cultivate gratitude in your life right now?  Here are a few simple things that you can do to get you started...


- Stop to smell the roses...
Take 5 minutes to stop and notice your surroundings.  Being mindful of what you have is the first step to appreciating what you have.

- Start a journal....
Put pen to paper and list the things you are grateful for.  This is a great way to both start or end the day, but a few minutes any time throughout the day works just as well.  If you don't like lists, then just write what you feel.

- Say "Thank You"
Say Thank You to someone at least once throughout the day.  Make it sincere and meaningful, show someone you truly appreciate what they have done for you.  It could be the Barista that makes your morning coffee or the check-out chick scanning your groceries... Start simple and see how good it feels.

- Look after yourself...
I know, I know, you are trying!  It sounds so clichéd too, but self care is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.  Eat well - ditch the sugar and processed foods.  Exercise - do what you love or just get out and walk more, preferably in nature.  Sleep well - I know this is easier said than done for some, but go to bed early for at least 8 hours sleep - don't give up!  I want to add "be happy" but this is another easier said than done when you suffer depression.  Happiness does come with being grateful though, so again, don't give up!

- Pay it forward...
Give by being nice to a stranger or random act of kindness, volunteer your time to charity, or become a positive role model through mentoring.  These actions help you give back to the community, it fosters a sense of connectedness to the community or those around you.  This can only be good right?



When you are grateful or show gratitude for all you have, you become healthier, happier and more connected.  It boosts your immunity, reduces stress and eases tension.  It inspires joy and gives you more energy (so you can sleep better at night!).

I would not be where I am today without gratitude.  I love life again, and life loves me.  I am completely grateful for all that I have and the journey I am on.  Every day gets a little bit easier, a little bit better, a little bit clearer.  I understand that for me to be the best person I can be, the best mother I can be, I have to take care of myself.  I have to show my children that I value myself by taking good care of myself - well most of the time anyway!


Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends and family out there, and any readers.  Let us all be grateful for our blessings everyday!

Yours forever thankful,

              Mummy in Disguise
                                               xoxo

Changes ahead....

No I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth.... 

I think I lost my blogging mojo there for a while... 

I often haven't had time to sit and write, and when I have had time, I honestly just didn't feel I could do it...

I have been in a pretty great headspace of late too and I didn't want to rub it in anyone's face either!  BUT I have been missing it, and not writing often enough just gets me stressed out anyway, which makes me think I just lost my mojo more than anything else.

So, as I posted on facebook the other day, we are moving to Brisbane next year!  I don't know where exactly yet, but we are working on getting down there in January and hopefully have that most important detail worked out before we leave!

The enormity of what we will be doing hit me this morning.

PMS hit me on Wednesday.

The combined forces of these two events is something I am quietly likening to Cyclone Yasi in my head.

Don't get me wrong, I am totally excited about our move and the changes ahead for my little family, but moving 2000km is a BIG deal.  Add the threat of depression getting the better of me and I am starting to doubt if I will be able to cope! 

Of course I will cope, I always do, but this morning I just got a tiny bit scared all of a sudden.  Last night I was mumzilla.  All of this has me worried. 

Could this be due to the remarkably bad PMS I am experiencing this month?  OR is it the stress of the last few weeks culminating in my meds not working properly?  Don't know, don't like it!

I haven't been great with the positive thinking and affirmations either the last few days.  It is like there just isn't space in my head for it all.  Driving in to work this morning though I realised that I needed to give myself permission to just feel what ever is it is I am feeling. 

What am I afraid of? 
What is stressing me out so much?
What am I doubting?

Feel all this and then.... let it go.  Then I got to work and until now I haven't given those feelings and questions a second thought.  Gotta love distraction!

So here I am now, bent over in pain with cramps and ovaries that feel like they are being squeezed and tugged in opposite directions.  I mentioned to a friend this morning, who is also experiencing heightened awareness of terrible PMS symptoms, that perhaps all our super clean eating has made us notice and experience the symptoms of PMS so much worse than ever before because we don't have all the processed foods and crap to mask it all and "make us feel better".  If anyone can verify this, by all means fill me in, but with lack of a better explanation, this is what I am sticking with. 

My PMS has shortened my fuse to what feels like the shortest it has ever been.  I have no patience with my children and I yelled at my son yesterday afternoon until my throat hurt.  I haven't been like that in a VERY long time and I hate it.  I scared him, and possible scarred him too.  I apologised this morning and told him I was trying to work out why mummy was feeling so upset and angry, and I promised to try harder not to yell anymore.  He just hugged me tighter. 

So again, I ask - could my sudden fear for the big move and general anger and irritation just be PMS at play here?  I guess I will have to wait until it settles before I will know for sure... 

Until then I will get back to writing, positive thinking and affirmations; and just get on with the business of selling my house and planning the move. 

Ah, I am starting to feel better already, see what writing does for me!!!

Yours affirming that my house IS sold today,

                                                 Mummy in Disguise
                                                                     xoxo

Wow, I hadn't thought of that!

Life gets in the way of this blogging business sometimes doesn't it?!

I have been off doing everyday, but important, life things like sorting out swimming, cricket and ballet for the kidlets, sorting out orders after Daintree Vanilla appeared on Landline, gardening, getting migraines...




Me with Jess Ainscough!

I have also been continuing on with my positive affirmation and wellness journey.  I attended the Bloom Women's Health & Wellness Expo in Cairns organised by my bestie; and I got to meet my hero Jessica Ainscough from The Wellness Warrior.  I also met a new hero, Kim Morrison, author of Like Chocolate for Women.  This book is amazing!  She has spurned my self-care journey onwards and upwards and it feels lovely!

I have had a few down days, but nothing too dark, just feeling off and blah...  I love waking up the next day though and realising I don't have to have another day like that... I can pull myself out of the funk because "I LOVE MYSELF AND I AM WORTH IT!" Yeah, that's right, I said it.  I've put it out there!  Not going back on that one! 

Saying the positive stuff daily is getting easier as time goes on.  I believe the things I am saying and I am truly open to receiving the things I desire and wish to manifest - absolutely happy to do so, bring it!  Hear that universe??

So, what do I write about when I don't have any "poor me" content to focus on?  This is what I have been pondering for the past week.  What to write?  Who will write?  Everyone is busy right now, with either back to school, work, having a baby... what was that about life again????

However a conversation with my dad on Monday got me thinking again about stigma and the lack of knowledge or understanding about different types of mental illness. 

So many people have a perception about a disorder or disease based on their own story.  In the case of our family, several people have bipolar which seems to have been exacerbated by their drug use, or rather misuse.

 

On Monday my father believed that bipolar was self inflicted.  He truly thought that you only got it as a side affect of drug abuse. 

Well... (deep breath here)   I calmly (I did try to remain calm as I was on the tail end of a migraine) pointed out the following:   

• what if said people in our family already had bipolar and the drugs just brought it out and made it worse? 

People often turn to drugs because of mental illness for self medication.  Mental illness then becomes part of their recovery story, but history usually shows symptoms of the illness prior to their addiction.

• how does that explain the girl I know with bipolar who hasn't done drugs?  What did she do to give herself bipolar?  'Cos you know, it's something a SAHM with two kids totally wants to add to her repertoire!

I urged my dad to go back to the books (internet) and do his research before making such scary and incorrect statements.  I love you dad but it is comments like this that fuel the stigma of mental illness.  People's lack of knowledge, either through ignorance or an unwillingness to learn, is what keeps us all in the dark about mental illness. 

It perpetuates the idea that we have control over the disease or disorder.

So, I can choose to NOT be suicidal? 
I can choose to NOT be manic, take stupid risks, spend all my money, have racing thoughts or hallucinations? 

Wow, I did not think of that!

 Personally, I can only CHOOSE not to have suicidal thoughts when I am on the right dose of meds, am eating well and taking care of myself.  It takes work to get to a point where I can decide that today I will be happy.  I am grateful now that the hard work is paying off.

Without medication and therapy, I can't make that choice.  I imagine it would only be worse for someone with bipolar whose moods can be so extreme from one minute to the next. 

Sorry Dad for picking on you for blog content(!), but I thought it was important to share this story as another step closer to understanding, acceptance and compassion surrounding all types of mental illness. 

I hope this post motivates people to get the right information.  If you know someone with a mental illness, don't assume or take on old school views.  Get out there and learn current information about their illness.  This will show you care and are trying to understand.  The effort will be appreciated.

Yours fighting the good fight,

                 Mummy in Disguise
                                                     xoxo

Here's what I am learning...

Last week I wrote about the practice of positive affirmations and how they can change your life.  Here are five things I have learnt so far about the practice of positivity and myself in the last couple of weeks.

1.  It is damned hard to stay positive.

When you have been in a place where it is so dark you can't see even a dim light of hope, being positive or saying such positive words out loud or in your head is bloody hard. 

Even when you are not in that dark place and things are pretty good at the moment, it is still hard.  I wonder if this is just me?  Or is it hard for everyone?  I wonder how much harder it would be if I was in a dark place right now, I doubt I would even try...

If there was an award or medal for resistance to change, I would get the gold for sure.  As much as I bang on about wanting to change myself, I still find ways to avoid it or procrastinate over it.  I am the ultimate self-saboteur and my conflicting mindset will to and fro between the positive affirmations I am trying to instill and the negative and limiting beliefs I have been living with for so long. 

The truth is,

"true change is never effortless and can take a great deal of commitment"  Eldon Taylor

Change means giving something up and for many of us, the beliefs we carry are so ingrained we can't see beyond them.

We so stronly believe that we are crap, life is crap, I am worthless, I am no good, it's all my fault... we struggle to see that this is just the illness talking, that in fact we are not those things and that we are actually worthy of love, success and happiness. 

Upon starting my blogging journey, I truly believed at the time that I can't help feeling the things I feel and the thoughts I think because of the imbalance of chemical in my brain.

I still think this is true, but I DO have the ability to change how I react to these thoughts.  This will never be easy, but I think it is worth the fight - I AM WORTH THE FIGHT!

Trust me, tell yourself good things about yourself and what you are worthy of often enough and you will believe it, these good things become your truth.


2. You can't always be positive, but you don't have to be negative either.

It is NOT natural to be or think positive 100% of the time.  We are human so we will feel sad, tired, stressed, whatever, some of the time.  The best thing to do is acknowledge these feelings and work out how to move on from there.

The trick is to not wallow and ruminate in our negative, sad, unexplained thoughts.  No festering thoughts.  When you catch yourself, change yourself.  It can be a simple as looking in another direction - change your view to change your mood.  Fake a smile - this really does work, the science says so!  Do the one thing that you know will help shift your focus from negative to positive in the quickest time possible.

I do all of the above in one go - turn my head, smile and tell myself that I love life and life loves me.  What ever affirmations follow on from there are a fabulous bonus. 

Positive affirmations are like a form of spiritual cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).  CBT is all about changing the way you think - about yourself and your thoughts.  Positive affirmations are the same, but on a more spiritual level where you are putting yourself out there to trust life to support you and the path you are on to wellness, happiness and success.

I LOVE waking up happy now.  I used to wake up feeling resigned to another day of work, yelling at the kids to get ready in the morning, the routine of life.  Just the act of waking up happy and telling myself I love and I am loved seems to make everything else easier in some way. 

I feel more in control, without feeling like I am being a control freak, or over the top or having to compensate for anything...  I feel balanced.  Mind you, I have been on holiday for a week, so get back to me next week on this!!! 

3.  You DO need to practice this everyday, all day and out loud whenever possible.

If I wasn't saying good things about and to myself consistently everyday, I doubt I would be feeling this awesome, seismic shift in my mindset right now.  It just doesn't work if you don't do it everyday.  I am amazed at how disciplined I am being at this and feeling so good has a lot to do with this. 

It won't work if you don't do the work.  I wasn't doing the work before, but now that I am how can I not believe in the power of positive affirmation?

4.  Affirm in the present.

I think the real change comes when you practice in the present moment.  Saying I am... I do... Life is now....  more often than I will do..., I will be... etc.  Speaking in the latter form is like saying I "might" do something.  It comes off half hearted and like your don't believe in what you are saying.  Say it with purpose and believe it.  Life will take care of the rest.

5.  I am hooked.

I think you can tell by this post that I believe in the power and change that positive affirmations can bring to your life - to MY life! 

I also think you have to ready for it.  If you came to me several years ago with this, I would not have been so enthusiastic.  I wasn't ready to believe in it.  I needed to work on other areas first to get myself to a place where I was ready. 

The work I have done on myself to get here has created the space in my mind to give myself permission to feel better, feel worthy and feel happy.

Everything happens for a reason and while I wish I had worked harder at this earlier in my life, I can't dwell on the what ifs.
I can only look forward to a bright and happy future.



Yours embracing the change,

                                             Mummy in Disguise
                                                         xoxo

Positivity Reigns....

I am saddened and upset to wake up to the news of Jill Meagher this morning.  It is a truly upsetting development in this story when we were all holding out hope for a very different ending... (you can read her story here)

I began the week on such a high.  Our business appeared on Landline on Sunday and by that evening we were up in the Daintree, connecting with nature and getting away from the busyness of our lives.  We got away from most of our technology (we were not able to get away from all of it as we still needed the check emails for orders, especially after Landline!)  and we breathed in clean, fresh, rainforest air.

It was hot and the work of building a crossover was tiring (well, Dad and Hubby did that, I mostly watched!).  We have no mains power, only generator power and gas cooking up there.  It is not a house, but rather a deck with a caravan attached on one side, a shed turned into rooms on the other side, an outdoor kitchen and dining table on the deck with a dodgy tv and some chairs. 

Life can sometimes seem hard without the comforts of home, but it was still bliss.  There is a flushing toilet and a shower, what more does a girl need?!?! 

While up there I finished reading a book called "You can create an exceptional Life" by Louise Hay & Cheryl Richardson.  If you don't know Louise L. Hay, you should get to know her.  She is the queen of positive affirmations and has transformed the lives of thousands of people with her work.  She is an inspirational lady and still going strong in her nineties!!

I was really inspired by this book.  Even more so than reading Louise's iconic "You can heal your life."

I have been practising the art of positive affirmations ever since and I am feeling a real shift in my thinking.  I now understand why affirmations have not worked for me in the past. I lacked consistency and ACTION.

It is one thing to say an affirmation every now and then, but a completely separate and different experience to practice affirmations daily, all day, in conjunction with putting yourself in the position or place to make it a reality.  It is so much more than just saying the words and hoping for the best.  You need to be aware of the signs that Life sends you to put you on to the path of creating the change or action you desire for yourself

For example, I have been affirming:

"I am energised and motivated to move more and eat only healthy foods that nourish my body."

Yesterday I received a sample of Alkalising Greens powder in the mail from a company that I had actually requested a stevia sample from.  Hint, hint!!

I am also full of energy, whereas I am normally very tired, especially as aunty flo has come to visit.  At this time of month you normally can't move me from the couch and when I get home from a trip to the farm I usually get as far as taking the bags out of the car and leaving the rest for "later".  Not this time.  I unloaded the car AND unpacked the bags, put on a load of washing, unpacked the esky and put away all the food we came back with.  I also tidied up a little bit and took out some rubbish.  This NEVER happens!

I honestly think that the affirmations are helping change the way I think and dissolving some of those limiting beliefs floating around in my head.  I am less tired and moving my body more feels easier each day.  I gave myself time to rest while up in the Daintree, and I also started to move my body more when up there, without much motivation at all (as discussed in this post).  We all know that getting started is the hard part but once you do it gets easier to keep going.  I really had to change how I was thinking and feeling about exercise.  Doing yoga in the rainforest was so inspiring and I find myself wanting to do more each day.

My DH is a sceptic.  He doesn't come out and say he doesn't believe in it, but I can tell by his face, his eyes, his body language - all of it.  His lips may be saying, 'that's great babe!" but his body is saying " here we go again"

And I get that!

http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

I get that it may seem to him that I am off on another self help guru ride, but for me all this is just a part of the wellness journey I am on.  It started with removing chemicals from our home and food; and has flowed on from there.  I have never taken such a holistic approach to my health both inside and out before and I am enjoying the process.

I have to say, yoga in the rainforest is pretty amazing, even with March flies buzzing about trying to take a bite!    

So, while I am saddened by the events, and for Jill Meagher's family and friends, I look to my future with such a positive outlook.  All I can do is teach my children how to be safe and how to be good people. 

I feel changes within me and I embrace them wholeheartedly.  I feel like I have a whole new strategy to deal with any bad days I may have ahead.  If that is all I get from this journey, then it's Depression-0, Jackie-1!!

Yours affirming I am safe and loved,

                          Mummy in  Disguise
                                                                  xoxo

Queen of Procrastination...

I am seriously lacking in motivation at the moment.  To exercise. 

I keep taking my workout gear to work with me with a work out in mind for my lunchbreak but come 12pm, I just can't do it....

I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo need to exercise as well.  I NEED to get off my butt and get moving. 

But I just can't bring myself to get up, get changed and go....

I need a workout partner to inspire me, any Cairns ladies wanna join me on the Esplanade at 12pm everyday?  I know it is the hottest part of the day but lunch time is really the only chance I get to work out.... 

I don't even feel like yoga at the moment.  I love yoga and how it makes me feel, so you would think I could revert to this as a back up, but nah, don't feel like it :(

It's not that I am tired or anything either.  I just don't want to do it.  Even though I really need to and even though I know I will feel better for it.  I would rather check my email, walk around the shops in town, read a magazine, or even work through lunch if required!

I am absolutely the Queen of Procrastination.  I come across as really organised, but in reality a lot of what I do is done last minute!  I do get a bit of a rush from that, getting it done just in time...  the stress from doing this is probably why I am holding on to the weight I need to lose, which exercise will help me do if only I felt the urge to get going...

I could just be lazy.  I am sure my husband thinks this sometimes!  Working out to lose 20kg requires hard work, committment and a vision of yourself 20kg slimmer.  Well, hard work is not motivating me at all and I am actually having trouble trying to visualise a slimmer me.  All I can see is my tummy.  Even when I look at skinny mini photos of myself from highschool, I just can't see myself that way now.  Not after two kids and all this yoyo dieting. 

I have friends who have been on amazing weight loss journeys and are truly inspiring to look at them, but then I get home and the thought of exercising actually makes me tired! 

Excuses, excuses I hear you all say.  Well, yes! I need help, stat!

So people, got any good motivation tips for me? 

Yours thinkin' bout getting up while lazily laying back,

                  Mummy in Disguise
                                                         xoxo

p.s.  Please no suggesting the gym or anything that will cost, we truly can't afford that at the moment!

working it out...

So, it has been a month on lower dose of meds and things are looking good!

I should not have jumped to conclusions so early about it not working, but I am glad I gave myself that extra time to see how it played out.

Normal (whatever that is!) AND grateful...

I am slowing feeling like I am getting back to normal... whatever that may be for me!!!  I actually got up early and exercised this morning - as opposed to packing stock and doing up orders!

In light of this clarity, I just wanted to take a moment to tell you a little bit about my day at Carnival on Collins on Sunday.