Changes ahead....

No I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth.... 

I think I lost my blogging mojo there for a while... 

I often haven't had time to sit and write, and when I have had time, I honestly just didn't feel I could do it...

I have been in a pretty great headspace of late too and I didn't want to rub it in anyone's face either!  BUT I have been missing it, and not writing often enough just gets me stressed out anyway, which makes me think I just lost my mojo more than anything else.

So, as I posted on facebook the other day, we are moving to Brisbane next year!  I don't know where exactly yet, but we are working on getting down there in January and hopefully have that most important detail worked out before we leave!

The enormity of what we will be doing hit me this morning.

PMS hit me on Wednesday.

The combined forces of these two events is something I am quietly likening to Cyclone Yasi in my head.

Don't get me wrong, I am totally excited about our move and the changes ahead for my little family, but moving 2000km is a BIG deal.  Add the threat of depression getting the better of me and I am starting to doubt if I will be able to cope! 

Of course I will cope, I always do, but this morning I just got a tiny bit scared all of a sudden.  Last night I was mumzilla.  All of this has me worried. 

Could this be due to the remarkably bad PMS I am experiencing this month?  OR is it the stress of the last few weeks culminating in my meds not working properly?  Don't know, don't like it!

I haven't been great with the positive thinking and affirmations either the last few days.  It is like there just isn't space in my head for it all.  Driving in to work this morning though I realised that I needed to give myself permission to just feel what ever is it is I am feeling. 

What am I afraid of? 
What is stressing me out so much?
What am I doubting?

Feel all this and then.... let it go.  Then I got to work and until now I haven't given those feelings and questions a second thought.  Gotta love distraction!

So here I am now, bent over in pain with cramps and ovaries that feel like they are being squeezed and tugged in opposite directions.  I mentioned to a friend this morning, who is also experiencing heightened awareness of terrible PMS symptoms, that perhaps all our super clean eating has made us notice and experience the symptoms of PMS so much worse than ever before because we don't have all the processed foods and crap to mask it all and "make us feel better".  If anyone can verify this, by all means fill me in, but with lack of a better explanation, this is what I am sticking with. 

My PMS has shortened my fuse to what feels like the shortest it has ever been.  I have no patience with my children and I yelled at my son yesterday afternoon until my throat hurt.  I haven't been like that in a VERY long time and I hate it.  I scared him, and possible scarred him too.  I apologised this morning and told him I was trying to work out why mummy was feeling so upset and angry, and I promised to try harder not to yell anymore.  He just hugged me tighter. 

So again, I ask - could my sudden fear for the big move and general anger and irritation just be PMS at play here?  I guess I will have to wait until it settles before I will know for sure... 

Until then I will get back to writing, positive thinking and affirmations; and just get on with the business of selling my house and planning the move. 

Ah, I am starting to feel better already, see what writing does for me!!!

Yours affirming that my house IS sold today,

                                                 Mummy in Disguise
                                                                     xoxo