Tell me how you really feel...

Hubby is snoring on the couch - give him a break he has just finished a midnight to 7am shift!

DD is eating toast in front of the telly and DS has "gone back to bed".

I am next to DH on the lounge, lap top resting on a tray on my lap, still in my pj's...

This is our Sunday morning.  The last Sunday morning of 2012.



I SHOULD get up, get dressed, clean the kitchen, put on some laundry and get ready to transfer the last of the Daintree Vanilla items over to my parents house...

I SHOULD do the baking that I had wanted to do yesterday so that I can start to use up my pantry items before we leave....

I SHOULD text my friend to find out the details of her farewell/NYE party/DD birthday party tomorrow...

I SHOULD pack...

So much to do....  Yet here I am writing and trying to work out how I feel.

What is this feeling?

Tiredness?
Stress?
Hunger?
Stress disguised as hunger?

Sadness.

Yep, I think the sadness has kicked in.  Not the depressive kind though.

Just the "OMG I am about to leave the safety and comfort of my beautiful friends behind.  I am about to leave my family right when things are lovely and settled (for a change)....OMG!!!"

With this sadness, a little doubt has also crept in - is this the right thing for us?  Have we made the right decision?  Of course, I know that I feel this doubt purely as a result of moving out of my comfort zone.

We have absolutely made the right decision for us!  Moving will allow DH to progress in his industry and follow his passions.  I will be able to start the new path I have been wanting to start for a while now, following my own passions and dreams.  The kids are young enough to tag along for the ride!

More doors will open for us, more oportunities will come our way.

As much as moving is scary and sad, 

staying where we are feels.... scary and sad!  

Moving has now become more than just about the work for DH.  It represents our chance to "give it a go", to follow our dreams...

Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being a part of the family business, as tiring and consuming as it can be. I have learnt so much and I now know that I can build a business from scratch, which is what I want to do, eventually, but in my own chosen field!

All I know is that something had to give.  There is absolutely no way I could continue with the life I was living into 2013.  Change had to come and a big part of me thinks that it had to be this extreme.  I could not continue to work a job, work the business, fit in family time around both of those, look after the family and house (which I was failing at by the way!) AND try looking after myself (also epic fail!).  I was always busy and always rushing to get somewhere.

No one got how I did it!  Truth is, neither do I - I just did it!  

I looked like I had it all together, like I was organised and in control, but people only see a snapshot of your life, or what I let them see.  In reality, I was only just holding it together. I also knew that if I kept on like that I was going to fall apart in spectacular fashion, and soon!

We had already made some decisions within the business that was going to give me some time back, and this gave me space in my head to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Then when DH proposed the idea of moving, I could see that it was what was required to create positive, uplifting change in all areas of our lives - body, mind and spirit.

So I will sit with my sadness as long as I need to, for I am saying "see ya later" to some beautiful and special people.

But I will banish the doubt and instead let the excitement and anticipation set in... There is no room for doubt in my head nor my moving boxes!

Bring on the change I say, isn't that what 2013 is all about?

What is your change for the new year?  I am not talking about resolutions either.  I want to know what dreams you will be chasing, what passions will you follow?  If you don't have an answer for me, then think hard and think bigger... having goals, dreams and passions are what keep us going.  One of my favourite quotes is

"those with goals succeed and those who succeed have goals"

Resolutions are just something we say at the start of the year, but very rarely follow through on.  Change it to a goal, with a plan of attack to acheive that goal and you have action.  Completing your goals gets you closer to reaching your dream, your ultimate goal, step by step.

Like I said, if you don't have an answer, then get thinking and dreaming my friends....  my next post will be about creating a vision board - I'll even share mine with you (scary!).

Until then, make some notes, find your passion and fill me in!
 
Yours on the road to adventure,

                  Mummy in Disguise
                                                      xoxo