"He needs to just snap out of it and get his shit together! We've all got problems..." She said."Well...." pause to gather thoughts, "well, if it is depression he is struggling with, then it isn't that easy..." I said."I've got to wonder about that. He won't help himself, he just keeps going back to the same problem. I mean, pu-leaze just pull yourself together already." She finished.I just looked back at her in shock. What, was she looking for me to agree with her?
Thankfully I didn't have a chance to find out because we were then interrupted by another customer wanting to buy something I didn't have in stock.
THIS WAS YESTERDAY. I had this conversation yesterday, with a much older lady about someone that I know who is in a lot of pain at the moment.
She clearly doesn't believe that his pain is real or valid and I wasn't about to get into the details of his problems with her, because what I know of his situation myself only scratches the surface of his load at the moment, but I really couldn't believe my ears.
Sadly, she is not alone in her thinking and this is such a big part of the stigma of mental illness. People don't understand or don't believe that depressed people can't just feel better. Or worse, many believe that the depressed person is 'making it all up (for attention)'. I mean come on, pull yourself together already!
Anyone who has or does suffer from depression can absolutely promise you that they've had someone tell them to "Snap out of it!" at some point or other, in some form or other. No. Doubt.
Snap out of it... Get over it... Cheer up... Chin up... Sort it out... Get your shit together... Move on... It can't be all that bad.... Everyone gets sad sometimes, you'll be right... What have you got to be depressed about? Your life is great...
I've heard similar words said to me with good intentions behind them, but I have felt them come from a place of frustration and a lack of understanding as well. By people who I thought would know better.
 |
| © Eprom | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos |
Mental Illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is the stigma and ignorance that exists in society that prevents people from seeking the help that they really need or even just talking about it with their family and friends.
A Beyond Blue study into community understanding and attitudes to depression cited the following key statistics from it's research:
- Less than 5% of respondents identified depression as a major health problem (despite the fact depression is the leading cause of disability in Australia), citing cancer (47%) and heart disease (40%) as bigger health problems.
- 65% of people surveyed underestimated or did not know depression was so common (depression affects one in five Australians at some point in their life).
- People were unaware of the signs and symptoms of depression, reducing their chances of recognising depression in themselves and, therefore, seeking help. Depressive symptoms were commonly attributed to other factors such as adolescence or personality rather than an illness.
- Many people were not aware what may be helpful or unhelpful to someone experiencing depression. 45% of respondents believed that 'keeping out of someone's way and giving them space' would be helpful and over a third (34%) thought telling them about their own problems would help put things in perspective. In fact both these responses would actually make the situation worse.
- The findings revealed a high level of hostility towards people with depressive illness. For example, 36% of respondents believed that people with severe depression 'should pull themselves together' and over a third (36%) said that people with depression who worked in positions of high responsibility 'should quit their jobs'.
Surprised by these numbers? I was, especially the last point referring to hostility and people in jobs of high responsibility. WTF??!?!!!?!?!?!
As I was searching the web for statistics, I stumbled upon the following post called Ways to insult someone with depression on a site called Optimism Apps. Seriously, "snap out of it" is so boring, there are so many other ways you can insult someone (note sarcasm here). I loved this post, it put an appreciative smile on my face and totally made my day! Please check it out, especially if you need to learn what NOT to say.
So what should you say to help someone you know with depression?
How about a simple "Are you ok?" Let them know that while you may not understand what they are going through, you are there for them in anyway that they need. Don't be offended if you are told to leave them alone - this may just be what they need. Or offer to help in a more practical way, like run some errands for them or help fold the giant pile of laundry or take the kids for an afternoon (yes please!!)
Don't pester with your help as this will make the person feel crowded, in some cases worse than they already do. No one likes to feel like they are a burden to anyone, but total desertion is not the answer either. Most importantly, if you are part of a couple, remind them you are here, in it for the long haul, you are a team. Just be there and listen when they need you to, get those practical domestic things done and don't nag.
If the person you know is only just learning of their illness or you have your own suspicions, all of the websites listed in Important Links have fantastic information on how you can help your friend/relative/partner through to the next stage - getting help.
I wish you all the best in trying to not insult someone you know with depression and finding ways to look past stigma and embracing compassion, tact and awareness instead.
Yours not snapping,
Mummy in Disguise
xoxox
References:
Beyond Blue: http://beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=105.898&oid=308
Optimism Apps: http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/relationships/snap-out-of-it/
No comments:
Post a Comment
C'mon, leave a comment, I'd love to hear from you!