Cooking is good for my soul...

I love to cook.  I love to cook for other people.  I enjoy seeing other people enjoy my food.  I love dinner parties and BBQs, parties and gatherings in general.

And not just for the copious amount of wine I would usually drink at said gathering, but for the planning leading up to it where I get to plan out a menu and sometimes even a theme if the occasion calls for it!

The kids birthday parties have been my favourite

Tell me how you really feel...

Hubby is snoring on the couch - give him a break he has just finished a midnight to 7am shift!

DD is eating toast in front of the telly and DS has "gone back to bed".

I am next to DH on the lounge, lap top resting on a tray on my lap, still in my pj's...

This is our Sunday morning.  The last Sunday morning of 2012.

Still here... (pneumonia, packing & parties!)

The apocalypse came and went without so much as an awakening of higher consciousness...
Christmas breezed by without too much fuss (for a nice change) ...
New Years is looking like it is going to be huge...

Yet the lead up to these events, or lack thereof in one case, was... well I can't find one word to describe this time for my family, but we came out the other end of our mostly first world problems relatively unscathed!

My baby girl had been fighting a cough for a week or so at the end of the school term.  She is as stubborn as her mother sometimes!  She didn't have any other symptoms and it didn't sound like too bad a cough until we hit the last few days of school.  I had already booked her in for a Doctor's appointment on this last day, but she woke up feeling worse, so she didn't quite make it to school.  Hubby took her in for the last hour of the school morning tea and final parade, but she sat with him the whole time, just watching.  Normally we wouldn't have taken her in like this but as we are moving next year, we wanted to give her a chance to say good-bye to friends and teachers.

We didn't know that just over three hours later she would be on her way to the hospital in an ambulance.

DD lungs - the wispy/fuzzy bits that look like fairy floss is pneumonia

Turns our my baby girl had pneumonia. 

Did you know that pneumonia still has a 30% mortality rate?

We were at the hospital for over four hours and she was diagnosed with mild to moderate pneumonia.  Which means that she wasn't sick enough to stay at hospital (where beds are like hen's teeth), but she was sick enough to need a check up the next day.  However seeing as it was Friday evening - too late to organise a GP appointment now - there was the very real chance that she would be staying in hospital overnight.  Which would have been fine if we weren't having a garage sale the next morning, which I was looking after by myself because DH was working!  And I would have cancelled said sale, despite the ad in the paper, if we weren't moving in less than a month!

Oh what to do???!?!?  We were trying to coordinate picking up DD from hospital, having someone mind the garage sale in the morning for us, who would stay with DD overnight etc, when the Doc came in with good news - the "Nurse in the home" program had received a grant to extend their hours to include the weekend!
This meant DD could go home and would be visited by a nurse the next day, again on Sunday and on Monday we were to come back to see a Pediatrician at the hospital for another chest x-ray and check up.

Did I mention that DD was supposed to go to a few birthday parties on Friday afternoon/Saturday morning?
Yeah, nah....

Did I also mention that we were supposed to have a school friends farewell party at our place on Saturday night?  Cancelled!!!

Did I mention too that I also had a nasty cough?

I had been to the doctor a few days earlier but at that stage it was too early to tell if it was viral or bacterial.  I was given a script though, which I started taking upon learning DD might have pneumonia.  I went back to the Doctor on the Monday because unlike DD, I wasn't feeling any better.  So my doctor gave me the same treatment as Hannah, as if I too had pneumonia!  He said not to bother with the x-ray, let's just treat it like it is... which meant the super strength adult version of drugs that DD was taking!  Oh the joys!

I was given time off work too.... which was great because I had a rental in Brisbane to organise!

Life went back to relative normality after this, well as normal as it gets when you are packing and moving 2000km. Packing, Christmas (presents, parties, punch!) and official unemployment!

Yep, I finished my job on 22 December 2012.  I have handed over to a lovely lady who I was already acquainted with but wish I had gotten to know better a lot sooner!  Funny how life does that....

Unemployment felt strange at first.  I don't have my big bunch of keys that went everywhere with me anymore.  I would have been on holiday this week, so next week will be the real test of how I feel about it, but honestly right now I feel a sense of relief that it is one less thing for me to think about in the lead up to leaving Cairns.

I am no longer stressed about the move - the house is sold, we have a rental in Brisbane, the removalist is booked.  It is all about letting everything take it's course now.

Now that Christmas is over, ANOTHER thing to not have to worry about, it is all about the packing.

And the farewell.

Change of plans with that too, LMAO.  We had planned an adults only drinks at a pub in town, but DH got rostered on for work and can't swap with anyone.  So that is cancelled!  No stress though, all parties were cancelled to make way for a BIG farewell/piss up at our nearly empty house before we leave!!!

So that is why I have been MIA on the blog for the last month or so.

Tomorrow I will tell you all how I actually FEEL about all of this!  LOL

I actually have a LOT I want to share about my plans and goals for 2013.  I am so excited about the future right now, depression seems like a blip in my past.  Even as I just typed those words though, I know they aren't true, but I love when true passion and excitement crowd out everything else and your issues pale into insignificance!  Until tomorrow...

Yours ready to rock,
                            Mummy in Disguise
                                                      xox0

A Little Reminder...

I resigned from my job today.

I have given notice to the 21st December and then that it is for me and that chapter of my life!

I was going to write about how stressed I am about this whole moving 2000 km business, but then we got an offer on the house yesterday.  I now have nothing to complain about....

So in the spirit of "Thanksgiving" in the US, I thought I would remind you all about the Art of Gratitude and how it can impact your lives, especially those who may not be feeling so great at the moment or this time of year.

So how can you start to be grateful, or cultivate gratitude in your life right now?  Here are a few simple things that you can do to get you started...


- Stop to smell the roses...
Take 5 minutes to stop and notice your surroundings.  Being mindful of what you have is the first step to appreciating what you have.

- Start a journal....
Put pen to paper and list the things you are grateful for.  This is a great way to both start or end the day, but a few minutes any time throughout the day works just as well.  If you don't like lists, then just write what you feel.

- Say "Thank You"
Say Thank You to someone at least once throughout the day.  Make it sincere and meaningful, show someone you truly appreciate what they have done for you.  It could be the Barista that makes your morning coffee or the check-out chick scanning your groceries... Start simple and see how good it feels.

- Look after yourself...
I know, I know, you are trying!  It sounds so clichéd too, but self care is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.  Eat well - ditch the sugar and processed foods.  Exercise - do what you love or just get out and walk more, preferably in nature.  Sleep well - I know this is easier said than done for some, but go to bed early for at least 8 hours sleep - don't give up!  I want to add "be happy" but this is another easier said than done when you suffer depression.  Happiness does come with being grateful though, so again, don't give up!

- Pay it forward...
Give by being nice to a stranger or random act of kindness, volunteer your time to charity, or become a positive role model through mentoring.  These actions help you give back to the community, it fosters a sense of connectedness to the community or those around you.  This can only be good right?



When you are grateful or show gratitude for all you have, you become healthier, happier and more connected.  It boosts your immunity, reduces stress and eases tension.  It inspires joy and gives you more energy (so you can sleep better at night!).

I would not be where I am today without gratitude.  I love life again, and life loves me.  I am completely grateful for all that I have and the journey I am on.  Every day gets a little bit easier, a little bit better, a little bit clearer.  I understand that for me to be the best person I can be, the best mother I can be, I have to take care of myself.  I have to show my children that I value myself by taking good care of myself - well most of the time anyway!


Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends and family out there, and any readers.  Let us all be grateful for our blessings everyday!

Yours forever thankful,

              Mummy in Disguise
                                               xoxo

Changes ahead....

No I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth.... 

I think I lost my blogging mojo there for a while... 

I often haven't had time to sit and write, and when I have had time, I honestly just didn't feel I could do it...

I have been in a pretty great headspace of late too and I didn't want to rub it in anyone's face either!  BUT I have been missing it, and not writing often enough just gets me stressed out anyway, which makes me think I just lost my mojo more than anything else.

So, as I posted on facebook the other day, we are moving to Brisbane next year!  I don't know where exactly yet, but we are working on getting down there in January and hopefully have that most important detail worked out before we leave!

The enormity of what we will be doing hit me this morning.

PMS hit me on Wednesday.

The combined forces of these two events is something I am quietly likening to Cyclone Yasi in my head.

Don't get me wrong, I am totally excited about our move and the changes ahead for my little family, but moving 2000km is a BIG deal.  Add the threat of depression getting the better of me and I am starting to doubt if I will be able to cope! 

Of course I will cope, I always do, but this morning I just got a tiny bit scared all of a sudden.  Last night I was mumzilla.  All of this has me worried. 

Could this be due to the remarkably bad PMS I am experiencing this month?  OR is it the stress of the last few weeks culminating in my meds not working properly?  Don't know, don't like it!

I haven't been great with the positive thinking and affirmations either the last few days.  It is like there just isn't space in my head for it all.  Driving in to work this morning though I realised that I needed to give myself permission to just feel what ever is it is I am feeling. 

What am I afraid of? 
What is stressing me out so much?
What am I doubting?

Feel all this and then.... let it go.  Then I got to work and until now I haven't given those feelings and questions a second thought.  Gotta love distraction!

So here I am now, bent over in pain with cramps and ovaries that feel like they are being squeezed and tugged in opposite directions.  I mentioned to a friend this morning, who is also experiencing heightened awareness of terrible PMS symptoms, that perhaps all our super clean eating has made us notice and experience the symptoms of PMS so much worse than ever before because we don't have all the processed foods and crap to mask it all and "make us feel better".  If anyone can verify this, by all means fill me in, but with lack of a better explanation, this is what I am sticking with. 

My PMS has shortened my fuse to what feels like the shortest it has ever been.  I have no patience with my children and I yelled at my son yesterday afternoon until my throat hurt.  I haven't been like that in a VERY long time and I hate it.  I scared him, and possible scarred him too.  I apologised this morning and told him I was trying to work out why mummy was feeling so upset and angry, and I promised to try harder not to yell anymore.  He just hugged me tighter. 

So again, I ask - could my sudden fear for the big move and general anger and irritation just be PMS at play here?  I guess I will have to wait until it settles before I will know for sure... 

Until then I will get back to writing, positive thinking and affirmations; and just get on with the business of selling my house and planning the move. 

Ah, I am starting to feel better already, see what writing does for me!!!

Yours affirming that my house IS sold today,

                                                 Mummy in Disguise
                                                                     xoxo

Wow, I hadn't thought of that!

Life gets in the way of this blogging business sometimes doesn't it?!

I have been off doing everyday, but important, life things like sorting out swimming, cricket and ballet for the kidlets, sorting out orders after Daintree Vanilla appeared on Landline, gardening, getting migraines...




Me with Jess Ainscough!

I have also been continuing on with my positive affirmation and wellness journey.  I attended the Bloom Women's Health & Wellness Expo in Cairns organised by my bestie; and I got to meet my hero Jessica Ainscough from The Wellness Warrior.  I also met a new hero, Kim Morrison, author of Like Chocolate for Women.  This book is amazing!  She has spurned my self-care journey onwards and upwards and it feels lovely!

I have had a few down days, but nothing too dark, just feeling off and blah...  I love waking up the next day though and realising I don't have to have another day like that... I can pull myself out of the funk because "I LOVE MYSELF AND I AM WORTH IT!" Yeah, that's right, I said it.  I've put it out there!  Not going back on that one! 

Saying the positive stuff daily is getting easier as time goes on.  I believe the things I am saying and I am truly open to receiving the things I desire and wish to manifest - absolutely happy to do so, bring it!  Hear that universe??

So, what do I write about when I don't have any "poor me" content to focus on?  This is what I have been pondering for the past week.  What to write?  Who will write?  Everyone is busy right now, with either back to school, work, having a baby... what was that about life again????

However a conversation with my dad on Monday got me thinking again about stigma and the lack of knowledge or understanding about different types of mental illness. 

So many people have a perception about a disorder or disease based on their own story.  In the case of our family, several people have bipolar which seems to have been exacerbated by their drug use, or rather misuse.

 

On Monday my father believed that bipolar was self inflicted.  He truly thought that you only got it as a side affect of drug abuse. 

Well... (deep breath here)   I calmly (I did try to remain calm as I was on the tail end of a migraine) pointed out the following:   

• what if said people in our family already had bipolar and the drugs just brought it out and made it worse? 

People often turn to drugs because of mental illness for self medication.  Mental illness then becomes part of their recovery story, but history usually shows symptoms of the illness prior to their addiction.

• how does that explain the girl I know with bipolar who hasn't done drugs?  What did she do to give herself bipolar?  'Cos you know, it's something a SAHM with two kids totally wants to add to her repertoire!

I urged my dad to go back to the books (internet) and do his research before making such scary and incorrect statements.  I love you dad but it is comments like this that fuel the stigma of mental illness.  People's lack of knowledge, either through ignorance or an unwillingness to learn, is what keeps us all in the dark about mental illness. 

It perpetuates the idea that we have control over the disease or disorder.

So, I can choose to NOT be suicidal? 
I can choose to NOT be manic, take stupid risks, spend all my money, have racing thoughts or hallucinations? 

Wow, I did not think of that!

 Personally, I can only CHOOSE not to have suicidal thoughts when I am on the right dose of meds, am eating well and taking care of myself.  It takes work to get to a point where I can decide that today I will be happy.  I am grateful now that the hard work is paying off.

Without medication and therapy, I can't make that choice.  I imagine it would only be worse for someone with bipolar whose moods can be so extreme from one minute to the next. 

Sorry Dad for picking on you for blog content(!), but I thought it was important to share this story as another step closer to understanding, acceptance and compassion surrounding all types of mental illness. 

I hope this post motivates people to get the right information.  If you know someone with a mental illness, don't assume or take on old school views.  Get out there and learn current information about their illness.  This will show you care and are trying to understand.  The effort will be appreciated.

Yours fighting the good fight,

                 Mummy in Disguise
                                                     xoxo

Here's what I am learning...

Last week I wrote about the practice of positive affirmations and how they can change your life.  Here are five things I have learnt so far about the practice of positivity and myself in the last couple of weeks.

1.  It is damned hard to stay positive.

When you have been in a place where it is so dark you can't see even a dim light of hope, being positive or saying such positive words out loud or in your head is bloody hard. 

Even when you are not in that dark place and things are pretty good at the moment, it is still hard.  I wonder if this is just me?  Or is it hard for everyone?  I wonder how much harder it would be if I was in a dark place right now, I doubt I would even try...

If there was an award or medal for resistance to change, I would get the gold for sure.  As much as I bang on about wanting to change myself, I still find ways to avoid it or procrastinate over it.  I am the ultimate self-saboteur and my conflicting mindset will to and fro between the positive affirmations I am trying to instill and the negative and limiting beliefs I have been living with for so long. 

The truth is,

"true change is never effortless and can take a great deal of commitment"  Eldon Taylor

Change means giving something up and for many of us, the beliefs we carry are so ingrained we can't see beyond them.

We so stronly believe that we are crap, life is crap, I am worthless, I am no good, it's all my fault... we struggle to see that this is just the illness talking, that in fact we are not those things and that we are actually worthy of love, success and happiness. 

Upon starting my blogging journey, I truly believed at the time that I can't help feeling the things I feel and the thoughts I think because of the imbalance of chemical in my brain.

I still think this is true, but I DO have the ability to change how I react to these thoughts.  This will never be easy, but I think it is worth the fight - I AM WORTH THE FIGHT!

Trust me, tell yourself good things about yourself and what you are worthy of often enough and you will believe it, these good things become your truth.


2. You can't always be positive, but you don't have to be negative either.

It is NOT natural to be or think positive 100% of the time.  We are human so we will feel sad, tired, stressed, whatever, some of the time.  The best thing to do is acknowledge these feelings and work out how to move on from there.

The trick is to not wallow and ruminate in our negative, sad, unexplained thoughts.  No festering thoughts.  When you catch yourself, change yourself.  It can be a simple as looking in another direction - change your view to change your mood.  Fake a smile - this really does work, the science says so!  Do the one thing that you know will help shift your focus from negative to positive in the quickest time possible.

I do all of the above in one go - turn my head, smile and tell myself that I love life and life loves me.  What ever affirmations follow on from there are a fabulous bonus. 

Positive affirmations are like a form of spiritual cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).  CBT is all about changing the way you think - about yourself and your thoughts.  Positive affirmations are the same, but on a more spiritual level where you are putting yourself out there to trust life to support you and the path you are on to wellness, happiness and success.

I LOVE waking up happy now.  I used to wake up feeling resigned to another day of work, yelling at the kids to get ready in the morning, the routine of life.  Just the act of waking up happy and telling myself I love and I am loved seems to make everything else easier in some way. 

I feel more in control, without feeling like I am being a control freak, or over the top or having to compensate for anything...  I feel balanced.  Mind you, I have been on holiday for a week, so get back to me next week on this!!! 

3.  You DO need to practice this everyday, all day and out loud whenever possible.

If I wasn't saying good things about and to myself consistently everyday, I doubt I would be feeling this awesome, seismic shift in my mindset right now.  It just doesn't work if you don't do it everyday.  I am amazed at how disciplined I am being at this and feeling so good has a lot to do with this. 

It won't work if you don't do the work.  I wasn't doing the work before, but now that I am how can I not believe in the power of positive affirmation?

4.  Affirm in the present.

I think the real change comes when you practice in the present moment.  Saying I am... I do... Life is now....  more often than I will do..., I will be... etc.  Speaking in the latter form is like saying I "might" do something.  It comes off half hearted and like your don't believe in what you are saying.  Say it with purpose and believe it.  Life will take care of the rest.

5.  I am hooked.

I think you can tell by this post that I believe in the power and change that positive affirmations can bring to your life - to MY life! 

I also think you have to ready for it.  If you came to me several years ago with this, I would not have been so enthusiastic.  I wasn't ready to believe in it.  I needed to work on other areas first to get myself to a place where I was ready. 

The work I have done on myself to get here has created the space in my mind to give myself permission to feel better, feel worthy and feel happy.

Everything happens for a reason and while I wish I had worked harder at this earlier in my life, I can't dwell on the what ifs.
I can only look forward to a bright and happy future.



Yours embracing the change,

                                             Mummy in Disguise
                                                         xoxo