Wow, I hadn't thought of that!

Life gets in the way of this blogging business sometimes doesn't it?!

I have been off doing everyday, but important, life things like sorting out swimming, cricket and ballet for the kidlets, sorting out orders after Daintree Vanilla appeared on Landline, gardening, getting migraines...




Me with Jess Ainscough!

I have also been continuing on with my positive affirmation and wellness journey.  I attended the Bloom Women's Health & Wellness Expo in Cairns organised by my bestie; and I got to meet my hero Jessica Ainscough from The Wellness Warrior.  I also met a new hero, Kim Morrison, author of Like Chocolate for Women.  This book is amazing!  She has spurned my self-care journey onwards and upwards and it feels lovely!

I have had a few down days, but nothing too dark, just feeling off and blah...  I love waking up the next day though and realising I don't have to have another day like that... I can pull myself out of the funk because "I LOVE MYSELF AND I AM WORTH IT!" Yeah, that's right, I said it.  I've put it out there!  Not going back on that one! 

Saying the positive stuff daily is getting easier as time goes on.  I believe the things I am saying and I am truly open to receiving the things I desire and wish to manifest - absolutely happy to do so, bring it!  Hear that universe??

So, what do I write about when I don't have any "poor me" content to focus on?  This is what I have been pondering for the past week.  What to write?  Who will write?  Everyone is busy right now, with either back to school, work, having a baby... what was that about life again????

However a conversation with my dad on Monday got me thinking again about stigma and the lack of knowledge or understanding about different types of mental illness. 

So many people have a perception about a disorder or disease based on their own story.  In the case of our family, several people have bipolar which seems to have been exacerbated by their drug use, or rather misuse.

 

On Monday my father believed that bipolar was self inflicted.  He truly thought that you only got it as a side affect of drug abuse. 

Well... (deep breath here)   I calmly (I did try to remain calm as I was on the tail end of a migraine) pointed out the following:   

• what if said people in our family already had bipolar and the drugs just brought it out and made it worse? 

People often turn to drugs because of mental illness for self medication.  Mental illness then becomes part of their recovery story, but history usually shows symptoms of the illness prior to their addiction.

• how does that explain the girl I know with bipolar who hasn't done drugs?  What did she do to give herself bipolar?  'Cos you know, it's something a SAHM with two kids totally wants to add to her repertoire!

I urged my dad to go back to the books (internet) and do his research before making such scary and incorrect statements.  I love you dad but it is comments like this that fuel the stigma of mental illness.  People's lack of knowledge, either through ignorance or an unwillingness to learn, is what keeps us all in the dark about mental illness. 

It perpetuates the idea that we have control over the disease or disorder.

So, I can choose to NOT be suicidal? 
I can choose to NOT be manic, take stupid risks, spend all my money, have racing thoughts or hallucinations? 

Wow, I did not think of that!

 Personally, I can only CHOOSE not to have suicidal thoughts when I am on the right dose of meds, am eating well and taking care of myself.  It takes work to get to a point where I can decide that today I will be happy.  I am grateful now that the hard work is paying off.

Without medication and therapy, I can't make that choice.  I imagine it would only be worse for someone with bipolar whose moods can be so extreme from one minute to the next. 

Sorry Dad for picking on you for blog content(!), but I thought it was important to share this story as another step closer to understanding, acceptance and compassion surrounding all types of mental illness. 

I hope this post motivates people to get the right information.  If you know someone with a mental illness, don't assume or take on old school views.  Get out there and learn current information about their illness.  This will show you care and are trying to understand.  The effort will be appreciated.

Yours fighting the good fight,

                 Mummy in Disguise
                                                     xoxo

Here's what I am learning...

Last week I wrote about the practice of positive affirmations and how they can change your life.  Here are five things I have learnt so far about the practice of positivity and myself in the last couple of weeks.

1.  It is damned hard to stay positive.

When you have been in a place where it is so dark you can't see even a dim light of hope, being positive or saying such positive words out loud or in your head is bloody hard. 

Even when you are not in that dark place and things are pretty good at the moment, it is still hard.  I wonder if this is just me?  Or is it hard for everyone?  I wonder how much harder it would be if I was in a dark place right now, I doubt I would even try...

If there was an award or medal for resistance to change, I would get the gold for sure.  As much as I bang on about wanting to change myself, I still find ways to avoid it or procrastinate over it.  I am the ultimate self-saboteur and my conflicting mindset will to and fro between the positive affirmations I am trying to instill and the negative and limiting beliefs I have been living with for so long. 

The truth is,

"true change is never effortless and can take a great deal of commitment"  Eldon Taylor

Change means giving something up and for many of us, the beliefs we carry are so ingrained we can't see beyond them.

We so stronly believe that we are crap, life is crap, I am worthless, I am no good, it's all my fault... we struggle to see that this is just the illness talking, that in fact we are not those things and that we are actually worthy of love, success and happiness. 

Upon starting my blogging journey, I truly believed at the time that I can't help feeling the things I feel and the thoughts I think because of the imbalance of chemical in my brain.

I still think this is true, but I DO have the ability to change how I react to these thoughts.  This will never be easy, but I think it is worth the fight - I AM WORTH THE FIGHT!

Trust me, tell yourself good things about yourself and what you are worthy of often enough and you will believe it, these good things become your truth.


2. You can't always be positive, but you don't have to be negative either.

It is NOT natural to be or think positive 100% of the time.  We are human so we will feel sad, tired, stressed, whatever, some of the time.  The best thing to do is acknowledge these feelings and work out how to move on from there.

The trick is to not wallow and ruminate in our negative, sad, unexplained thoughts.  No festering thoughts.  When you catch yourself, change yourself.  It can be a simple as looking in another direction - change your view to change your mood.  Fake a smile - this really does work, the science says so!  Do the one thing that you know will help shift your focus from negative to positive in the quickest time possible.

I do all of the above in one go - turn my head, smile and tell myself that I love life and life loves me.  What ever affirmations follow on from there are a fabulous bonus. 

Positive affirmations are like a form of spiritual cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).  CBT is all about changing the way you think - about yourself and your thoughts.  Positive affirmations are the same, but on a more spiritual level where you are putting yourself out there to trust life to support you and the path you are on to wellness, happiness and success.

I LOVE waking up happy now.  I used to wake up feeling resigned to another day of work, yelling at the kids to get ready in the morning, the routine of life.  Just the act of waking up happy and telling myself I love and I am loved seems to make everything else easier in some way. 

I feel more in control, without feeling like I am being a control freak, or over the top or having to compensate for anything...  I feel balanced.  Mind you, I have been on holiday for a week, so get back to me next week on this!!! 

3.  You DO need to practice this everyday, all day and out loud whenever possible.

If I wasn't saying good things about and to myself consistently everyday, I doubt I would be feeling this awesome, seismic shift in my mindset right now.  It just doesn't work if you don't do it everyday.  I am amazed at how disciplined I am being at this and feeling so good has a lot to do with this. 

It won't work if you don't do the work.  I wasn't doing the work before, but now that I am how can I not believe in the power of positive affirmation?

4.  Affirm in the present.

I think the real change comes when you practice in the present moment.  Saying I am... I do... Life is now....  more often than I will do..., I will be... etc.  Speaking in the latter form is like saying I "might" do something.  It comes off half hearted and like your don't believe in what you are saying.  Say it with purpose and believe it.  Life will take care of the rest.

5.  I am hooked.

I think you can tell by this post that I believe in the power and change that positive affirmations can bring to your life - to MY life! 

I also think you have to ready for it.  If you came to me several years ago with this, I would not have been so enthusiastic.  I wasn't ready to believe in it.  I needed to work on other areas first to get myself to a place where I was ready. 

The work I have done on myself to get here has created the space in my mind to give myself permission to feel better, feel worthy and feel happy.

Everything happens for a reason and while I wish I had worked harder at this earlier in my life, I can't dwell on the what ifs.
I can only look forward to a bright and happy future.



Yours embracing the change,

                                             Mummy in Disguise
                                                         xoxo

Positivity Reigns....

I am saddened and upset to wake up to the news of Jill Meagher this morning.  It is a truly upsetting development in this story when we were all holding out hope for a very different ending... (you can read her story here)

I began the week on such a high.  Our business appeared on Landline on Sunday and by that evening we were up in the Daintree, connecting with nature and getting away from the busyness of our lives.  We got away from most of our technology (we were not able to get away from all of it as we still needed the check emails for orders, especially after Landline!)  and we breathed in clean, fresh, rainforest air.

It was hot and the work of building a crossover was tiring (well, Dad and Hubby did that, I mostly watched!).  We have no mains power, only generator power and gas cooking up there.  It is not a house, but rather a deck with a caravan attached on one side, a shed turned into rooms on the other side, an outdoor kitchen and dining table on the deck with a dodgy tv and some chairs. 

Life can sometimes seem hard without the comforts of home, but it was still bliss.  There is a flushing toilet and a shower, what more does a girl need?!?! 

While up there I finished reading a book called "You can create an exceptional Life" by Louise Hay & Cheryl Richardson.  If you don't know Louise L. Hay, you should get to know her.  She is the queen of positive affirmations and has transformed the lives of thousands of people with her work.  She is an inspirational lady and still going strong in her nineties!!

I was really inspired by this book.  Even more so than reading Louise's iconic "You can heal your life."

I have been practising the art of positive affirmations ever since and I am feeling a real shift in my thinking.  I now understand why affirmations have not worked for me in the past. I lacked consistency and ACTION.

It is one thing to say an affirmation every now and then, but a completely separate and different experience to practice affirmations daily, all day, in conjunction with putting yourself in the position or place to make it a reality.  It is so much more than just saying the words and hoping for the best.  You need to be aware of the signs that Life sends you to put you on to the path of creating the change or action you desire for yourself

For example, I have been affirming:

"I am energised and motivated to move more and eat only healthy foods that nourish my body."

Yesterday I received a sample of Alkalising Greens powder in the mail from a company that I had actually requested a stevia sample from.  Hint, hint!!

I am also full of energy, whereas I am normally very tired, especially as aunty flo has come to visit.  At this time of month you normally can't move me from the couch and when I get home from a trip to the farm I usually get as far as taking the bags out of the car and leaving the rest for "later".  Not this time.  I unloaded the car AND unpacked the bags, put on a load of washing, unpacked the esky and put away all the food we came back with.  I also tidied up a little bit and took out some rubbish.  This NEVER happens!

I honestly think that the affirmations are helping change the way I think and dissolving some of those limiting beliefs floating around in my head.  I am less tired and moving my body more feels easier each day.  I gave myself time to rest while up in the Daintree, and I also started to move my body more when up there, without much motivation at all (as discussed in this post).  We all know that getting started is the hard part but once you do it gets easier to keep going.  I really had to change how I was thinking and feeling about exercise.  Doing yoga in the rainforest was so inspiring and I find myself wanting to do more each day.

My DH is a sceptic.  He doesn't come out and say he doesn't believe in it, but I can tell by his face, his eyes, his body language - all of it.  His lips may be saying, 'that's great babe!" but his body is saying " here we go again"

And I get that!

http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

I get that it may seem to him that I am off on another self help guru ride, but for me all this is just a part of the wellness journey I am on.  It started with removing chemicals from our home and food; and has flowed on from there.  I have never taken such a holistic approach to my health both inside and out before and I am enjoying the process.

I have to say, yoga in the rainforest is pretty amazing, even with March flies buzzing about trying to take a bite!    

So, while I am saddened by the events, and for Jill Meagher's family and friends, I look to my future with such a positive outlook.  All I can do is teach my children how to be safe and how to be good people. 

I feel changes within me and I embrace them wholeheartedly.  I feel like I have a whole new strategy to deal with any bad days I may have ahead.  If that is all I get from this journey, then it's Depression-0, Jackie-1!!

Yours affirming I am safe and loved,

                          Mummy in  Disguise
                                                                  xoxo

Queen of Procrastination...

I am seriously lacking in motivation at the moment.  To exercise. 

I keep taking my workout gear to work with me with a work out in mind for my lunchbreak but come 12pm, I just can't do it....

I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo need to exercise as well.  I NEED to get off my butt and get moving. 

But I just can't bring myself to get up, get changed and go....

I need a workout partner to inspire me, any Cairns ladies wanna join me on the Esplanade at 12pm everyday?  I know it is the hottest part of the day but lunch time is really the only chance I get to work out.... 

I don't even feel like yoga at the moment.  I love yoga and how it makes me feel, so you would think I could revert to this as a back up, but nah, don't feel like it :(

It's not that I am tired or anything either.  I just don't want to do it.  Even though I really need to and even though I know I will feel better for it.  I would rather check my email, walk around the shops in town, read a magazine, or even work through lunch if required!

I am absolutely the Queen of Procrastination.  I come across as really organised, but in reality a lot of what I do is done last minute!  I do get a bit of a rush from that, getting it done just in time...  the stress from doing this is probably why I am holding on to the weight I need to lose, which exercise will help me do if only I felt the urge to get going...

I could just be lazy.  I am sure my husband thinks this sometimes!  Working out to lose 20kg requires hard work, committment and a vision of yourself 20kg slimmer.  Well, hard work is not motivating me at all and I am actually having trouble trying to visualise a slimmer me.  All I can see is my tummy.  Even when I look at skinny mini photos of myself from highschool, I just can't see myself that way now.  Not after two kids and all this yoyo dieting. 

I have friends who have been on amazing weight loss journeys and are truly inspiring to look at them, but then I get home and the thought of exercising actually makes me tired! 

Excuses, excuses I hear you all say.  Well, yes! I need help, stat!

So people, got any good motivation tips for me? 

Yours thinkin' bout getting up while lazily laying back,

                  Mummy in Disguise
                                                         xoxo

p.s.  Please no suggesting the gym or anything that will cost, we truly can't afford that at the moment!

working it out...

So, it has been a month on lower dose of meds and things are looking good!

I should not have jumped to conclusions so early about it not working, but I am glad I gave myself that extra time to see how it played out.

Normal (whatever that is!) AND grateful...

I am slowing feeling like I am getting back to normal... whatever that may be for me!!!  I actually got up early and exercised this morning - as opposed to packing stock and doing up orders!

In light of this clarity, I just wanted to take a moment to tell you a little bit about my day at Carnival on Collins on Sunday.

I am just so tired...

I am feeling a tad fragile today.

I have worked my paying job as normal last week, but with the added bonus of having to catch up from the previous week's days off sick...

I have then been up early most mornings completing orders from online sales and wholesalers, as well as completing stock for the weekend's markets...