Fraud Alert!

Something that has always come up in my sessions either with my GP, counsellor or psychologist has been how much I feel like a fraud.  When I am feeling quite low, I just always feel like a fraud, like I am looking back at someone else, not me, getting things done, achieving...

Can anyone else relate?

I was never able to articulate this feeling properly until recently after reading “The Happiness Trap” by Dr Russ Harris.  There was a section in the early chapters that only very briefly touched on it but when I read it, I instantly recognised myself in those words and finally I had a name for it – Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome, also known as Imposter Phenomenon or Fraud Syndrome, is not an officially recognised psychological disorder and is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is why my doctors may not have thought to mention it. 

So what is it? 

Very basically, it is when competent people find it impossible to believe in their own competence or success.  Despite all external evidence, these people have the inability to internalise their accomplishments or feel unworthy of their success. 

For me, I find that in the moment of doing the task, job, sale, etc, I know that I can do it and I know that I am doing a good job of doing it.  However not too long after, a sinking feeling sets in, along comes the self doubt and I feel like it wasn’t really me or it wasn’t really my success.  I feel like any minute the game will be up and everyone will realise that I am not as good as everyone else seems to think I am. 



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People with this syndrome will dismiss proof of success as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they believe themselves to be.

Apparently this thing is alarmingly common among women, especially those in high-flying positions of responsibility.  I can’t find anywhere that says that it comes hand in hand with depression, but if you are thinking that you are not worthy or believe that you are a fraud, it is a hard balancing act to keep yourself from that slippery spiral down to that dark, horrible place of despair.

Women with Imposter Syndrome usually ooze confidence and are good at hiding their secret.  Those who know me would give me a tick for this one!

Other giveaways include brushing off compliments and downplaying achievements, protesting that it was all ‘right place at the right time luck” or had lots of help, or that anyone could do it. 

But isn’t this just good manners?  No one likes to brag right? Sure, but there is a fine line between self-deprecation and self destruction.   

Some imposter's work themselves to the bone worried that their best isn’t good enough or are driven to keep checking their work for mistakes.  Others avoid speaking up in meetings (me!) or seeking promotion even when they’re more than capable.  At their worst, they only see their failings where the rest of the world sees talent. 

While this doesn’t affect just women - men are not immune to our little imposter friend - all the evidence suggests that it is women who are more likely to let it undermine their careers.

I am not a fan of networking events, I try not to go alone.  In my head I am thinking that I don’t belong here, and they are all going to see right through me any second.  But why shouldn’t I be there?!?  I work yes, but I also run a business and do my bit out in the community.  I deserve to be there just as much as anyone else handing out my business cards and spruiking my wares.  I can handle small events, but when there are lots of super serious business people, I can go very quiet and feel totally out of my depth. 


This alone does not mean I have Imposter Syndrome, it's that plus the feeling that I might be busted any second for something I feel someone else should get the praise for, when really it is my success and glory to bask in!

So come on girls, tell me your fraudster or imposter stories….  I know I am not the only one, science tells me so!

Fraudulently yours,

Mummy in Disguise
                               xoxo